Untangling Empathy, Grief, and Healing After Emotional Pain
Why do I still feel bad for him when he caused all of this?
That question hit me hard recently. After everything—after the lies, the emotional pain, the unraveling of a life we built—why is there still a part of me that aches for him?
The truth is, when you’ve shared years, children, and dreams with someone, it’s not easy to flip a switch and feel nothing. Even when someone hurts you, you might still see their struggle and feel something. It doesn’t mean you want them back. It means you’re human.
In my case, I was emotionally conditioned for years to question myself and care for his emotions more than my own. That kind of pattern doesn’t just disappear. Sometimes we even blame ourselves for the hurt someone else caused, which is part of what’s known as a trauma bond—a cycle where love and pain get tangled up.
Healing means untangling that. It means letting yourself feel sadness or empathy without using it as a reason to go back. I’ve learned that both things can be true: I can care about someone’s pain and still protect myself from it. I can grieve the loss and still move forward.
It’s taken time, reflection, and a lot of honesty to reclaim my healing. I’m finally learning that my softness isn’t a weakness—it’s part of my strength. I can feel, I can care, and I can still choose myself.
Your heart can be soft, but your boundaries can still be firm. And that’s a kind of power no one can take from you.